My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize