Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
