I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
