Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
