It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
