We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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