Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
