I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
