In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
