Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
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Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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