At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
