I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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