Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
