Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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