I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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