I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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