Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
