I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
