I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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