Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
