she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize