In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
