i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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