I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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