laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My balls are so social today.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
