the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
