i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
