I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
