I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
