I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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