What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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