Where is the hickey?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
