DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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