we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
