I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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