Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
