sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
