He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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