Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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