he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize