It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
