why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
