I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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