Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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