Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
