Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
