the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
