I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
