I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
