and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
