Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
