don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
