everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
