I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
