My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
