Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
