NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
