I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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