I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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