I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
