I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
