is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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