You made me cry and you don't even care
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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