Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
