He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
