Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
