I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
