Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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