Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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