Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
