The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
